What if you gave your anxiety a name? Say hello to the Miliscaries.
It's 2 a.m., and I'm lying in bed, eyes wide open, replaying the day's events in my mind. Everything is quiet; the world has long gone to sleep. But here I am, alone with thoughts I thought I'd left behind. I've come to call these nighttime terrors the "Miliscaries," a term I created to name what seems like a nightly battle with self-doubt, financial worries, and anxieties about missed opportunities.
I didn't coin the term as a joke, although sometimes I think a bit of humor is the only way to face down these fears. It started because I kept feeling the weight of my anxieties right before bed. They were relentless, like clockwork. I figured if they're going to show up so reliably, I might as well give them a name.
But naming them was only the first step. As I continued facing these fears night after night, I realized they weren't just there to torment me. There was a message buried beneath the surface. In the end, the Miliscaries are really about unresolved parts of myself, rooted in past experiences and triggered by the same old questions: Have I done enough? Am I enough?
Understanding the Triggers
The Miliscaries didn't come out of nowhere; they were born from years of accumulated fear, doubt, and pressure to succeed. One of the core triggers for me has always been the idea of missed opportunities. Another is financial independence. And then there's the ever-persistent self-doubt, the inner critic who shows up every night, uninvited.
Confronting the Miliscaries: My Strategies
1. Grounding Myself in the Present
The first thing I do when I feel the Miliscaries creeping in is to bring myself back to the present moment. I focus on simple things: the texture of my sheets, the weight of the blankets, the rhythm of my breathing. Sometimes, I'll place a hand on my chest and remind myself, "I'm here, right now."
2. Self-Compassionate Self-Talk
Instead of beating myself up for having these fears, I tell myself, "It's okay. You're allowed to feel this way." There's a mantra I come back to: "I am enough, just as I am."
3. Turning Fear into Reflection
When a fear pops up about missed opportunities, I ask myself, "Is this something I can still act on?" Often, these fears aren't as absolute as they seem. Breaking down my worries into actions has been a game-changer.
4. Reframing the Miliscaries
The Miliscaries don't have to be tormentors; they can be teachers. When I look at them this way, I start to see the message behind the fear. Maybe my worries about financial independence are reminding me of the value I place on stability. Maybe my self-doubt is a sign that I need to reconnect with my sense of worth.
Moving from Fear to Resilience
The goal isn't to make the Miliscaries disappear. But every time I confront them, I feel a little stronger, a little more resilient. For a long time, I used to think that resilience was about ignoring fear. But I've learned that real resilience is about leaning in—using fear as a signal to check in with myself and ask, "What do you need right now?"
If you find yourself up at night wrestling with your own worries, remember this: the fear may be loud, but so is the strength within you.